: Detected and repelled a love bombing attempt; what is my reward?
Guy from a schmancy B2B company took our company’s team out for drinks.
He inappropriately massaged my shoulders, kept calling me “buddy,” and made a big show of paying for everything on corpo card.
I ended up walking to the bus station with him and he gave a big spiel about how he loves spoiling his friends, hates being stingy with his money. Then he asked what my biggest luxury spending category was. I said probably fountain pens. He mocked me, saying that’s not even real spending and he meant like “a car or something.” Then he pivoted to talking about the fancy art pens his friend had gotten him into and took one out of his bougie messenger bag and tried to give me one. I rejected the gift.
The encounter left me with two thoughts:
- There is a certain type of guy who is really butthurt about not being able to sexually harass women anymore, and views me as the next best thing: a man (therefore not a legitimate victim) but also sort of cute, and feminine in ways that don’t rise above the threshold of “actually a woman.” This is the type of guy who catcalls me on the subway, the type of guy who sexually assaulted me that one time, and the type of guy who thinks my dignity can be purchased with a $15 pen.
- I get no prize for fending off a probable narcissist and creep, other than the awkward feeling that all the evidence I have against him is circumstantial and maybe I rushed to judgment. There is no party or cash, no movie where I get to see how much better my life plays out.
Bye…
: You're a hypocrite if you criticize beauty pageants but watched the Olympics
Headline was ragebait; now we are gonna do a gratitude post because world is a fuck.
I bought another fountain pen. Being in Europe is nice. I like that people generally follow the rules and don’t mess with you. The abundance of good, cheap food is also a plus. I do think it’s weird how much Europeans’ lives revolve around food, drink, and soccer, none of which are particularly important to me, but it works to my advantage in the end, because I can get my cafe time in at 10am before everyone wakes up and enjoy the quiet of the morning.
: Re: “are you actually multiple people at once?”
In response to “are you actually multiple people at once?” by muffle.
I’ve thought about this idea a lot. On the one hand, it’s self-evident that you’ll show different parts of yourself to different people, especially in circumstances like work vs. home where there are social rules about what is/isn’t acceptable, but also in order to have a more lush social life: I have friends with whom I don’t discuss politics because it’ll never be a good time, for example; this doesn’t necessarily mean I am less of myself around them, only that those are the terms of that relationship.
On the other, we love to call each people fake bitches when they switch sides and try to flatter and cajole whoever they are with at a given moment. It seems there’s an authentic way and an opportunistic way to be a multifaceted person; we need a way to differentiate those two so that we can avoid being predated by the opportunistic types. That begs the question of how to define authentic, which in turn suggests that there’s an authentic self at the bottom of it after all.
Maybe, in the end, we are allowed a few relationships where we are 100% ourselves. As much as I am multifaceted, I think that my fiancee knows all of the facets of me, even if those facets aren’t necessarily “facing” her; she knows what face I put on for all of the important other people in my life and what that means about my priorities, values, etc. I would even go so far as to suggest that the degree to which one person knows and trusts another is related to the selection of “yous” they allow each other to see.
Asking “Who are you?” is like asking “How far is Innsbruck?"—it depends from where.
: Bought a fountain pen & what it represents about not being a bitch to myself
In middle school, someone gave me a Lamy fountain pen and I fell in love with it. There was a store near my house where you could buy ink cartridges, so I always had a healthy supply. Then, one day I lost the fountain pen and was left with a bunch of useless ink cartridges, which made me feel guilty.
After college, I got my first job, I decided to buy myself a new Lamy fountain pen, thinking of how much I liked the first one. Of course, I also had to restock my supply of ink, long lost in the shuffle. That job that had me moving around a lot, carrying papers, coffee, pen etc. from room to room. So of course, I only got to use pen #2 for a few years before losing it as well. Again, I ended up with a bunch of spare ink cartridges rolling around and taunting me in my desk drawer.
After this, I resolved never to buy a fancy pen again. It felt hopelessly indulgent to buy these nice-ass pens under the pretense that the reusable ink makes them good for the environment, then inevitably lose them and wash away whatever environmental or anti-consumerist rationale might have justified the purchase.
It didn’t help that over the past decade or so, people who are (respectfully) way too into schmancy stationery have taken over social media and the blogosphere. Fountain-pen guy is now a type of guy, one who makes videos of calligraphy and pen strokes that mesmerize, but are embarrassingly impractical. I don’t want to be like that guy, right?
It’s crazy how much psychology I have built up around this silly little non-hobby. I am a very frugal person. I avoid fancy restaurants, expensive vacations, and clothing. I currently own four pairs of shoes and often think about which one I should get rid of. And somehow I have talked myself into hating fountain pens, which is crazy when you consider that I love fountain pens. I like the way they look, I like writing with them, and I like how the fact the I like writing with them stimulates me to write more.
Is that stupid? Does that make me sort of a poser amongst writers? Idk, maybe? But who cares. I have enough assholes in my life; no need to be one to myself.
I’m in Europe now, and yesterday I bought myself a Lamy fountain pen. It was 22 euros. I chose the fine weight this time after trying a bunch. I got a design with a transparent shell because it reminds me of those old Gameboy Advances where you could see the circuit board.
Honestly, I might buy myself another one while I’m here, probably a medium weight to round out the set and have one for the work bag and one for home (to minimize shuffling). It’s highly probable I will lose one or both of these pens in the future, but 22 or even 50 euros for a few years of happy writing is worth it to me now.
: In decline
I am working on radical acceptance of the fact that our country doesn’t have strong norms re: the rule of law. It’s written into our history, both the good parts (Boston Tea Party) and the ugly parts (lynchings): ends justify the means.
I will never be able to solve this framing error, or make this place absolutely fair. All I can do is take care of my little corner.
Is there any use to being clever or kindhearted in a declining society?