: You don't have to be a nice person
I know this is a crazy thing to say, but someone needs to hear this. You don’t have to be a nice person. You don’t even have to be a good person. There are a lot of situations in life that present you with the option of being good, and it’s just that: an option.
- You don’t have to tip 30% for table service.
- You don’t have to tithe.
- You don’t have to work long hours to meet deadlines, even if you work for a nonprofit, even if you believe in the mission.
- You don’t have to remember every birthday or travel to every faraway wedding.
Of course, you may do these things. Probably you should try them each out once or twice. It certainly feels good to be nice. But there’s no moral requirement. And if you do these things out of a sense of obligation or fear of being judged, you aren’t doing them for the right reason anyway. So get over the OCD moralizing and just do what you really want.
Today I got a coupon mailer from a pizza place. They had a really great deal, so I tried to use the coupon online but the website said no such coupon existed. So I called to order, and the guy on the phone tried the same thing and it still didn’t work.
So guy #1 transferred me to his manager and she tried it and she said, “Yeah, it doesn’t work, but we have a similar offer” and proceeded to read me an offer that was not nearly as good a deal. I told gal #2 I really wanted this deal so she transferred me to her manager (#3) who said the same thing as #1 and #2. Not only that, he denied the existence of the mailer entirely.
“Our owner doesn’t send out mailers,” #3 said.
“Are you XYZ pizza on Main Street?” I asked.
“Yes, but our owner doesn’t send out mailers. I can call him if you want,” he said.
I said, “Sure, call him, I’m holding this mailer in my hands.”
So #3 put me on hold for five minutes, then came back and told me that the owner (#4) had, in fact, admitted to sending the mailers but hadn’t activated the coupons in the database yet, But, #3 said annoyedly, he would manually enter the discount. So I got my discount.
At every step of this process, the overwhelming vibe I was getting was “Dude, just give up and pay full price.” And honestly, I could have afforded to, and I really wanted pizza, and I don’t know if I was making any of these hardworking people’s days better by making them play “fetch the manager” repeatedly.
But I wasn’t being rude or yelling or anything. I was just asking #1-4 to honor the terms of the discount that they had taken pains to mail to my actual house because they supposedly wanted my business so dearly.
Does this make me a bad, or perhaps not-good, or perhaps not-nice person? Maybe, but it’s time to stop caring so much.