: Socially acceptable lies
As I wrote before, I am starting a new job, but not for some time, and thus I haven’t told my current colleagues yet. This has made for a lot of meetings where I am engaging as if I will continue to be on the project, knowing inwardly that I will never see through the plans I am laying out, nor are others likely to, because despite my efforts the work has a high bus factor around me.
These kinds of not-fully-transparent interactions are routine in the world of business. I guess the startup that “scammed” me a few weeks back thought they were doing something completely normal in a competitive job market. And similarly, I guess I should feel normal about concealing my plans from current colleagues until they are final final.
But my OCD brain doesn’t let me off the hook so easily. By delaying my notification, I am putting my desires (for security and to avoid awkward protracted goodbyes) against others’ needs (to search for my replacement). That’s just mean, right? Selfish, even?
I was taught from a young age that the essence of being good is to make sacrifices for others and bring my desires under control. This flawed premise was so strongly instilled in me that sometimes I sense virtue in self-sacrifice even when the benefit gained by doing so is unclear. Somehow the suffering itself exonerates one from the scary label of “selfish.”