convexer’s dumpster site

Hi, my name is not convexer and this is my garbage site. I created this site because I wanted a place where I could be my full & terrible self without worrying too hard about making a positive impression.

Topics of interest include personal shit, gender politics, regular politics, and the modern workplace. I don’t really proofread my posts, so let me know if I say anything that’s just wrong.

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convexer’s dumpster site 88x31

“If I have peed farther, it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

: I'm healing but the world is crumbling

For the past three years or so I have been on a long journey of healing—finally learning to recognize my problems for what they are, getting therapy, understanding how my childhood environment made me Like This, etc. It’s really been an amazing process—I had no idea that I was holding myself back so much, with all those unhelpful mental patterns and self-defeating narratives.

Finally, in 2026, I have a semblance of the feeling that I am in control of my life and I can start thinking about what I want to do with it instead of just letting it happening to me … but then the world goes to shit like this. It feels like such a joke, you know? What was the point of all that hard work to achieve mental clarity if all I can see with it is the collapse of civilization as I know it?

OK, I mean, maybe that’s dramatic. We still have grocery stores, gas stations, and taxes. Everything still works. But sometimes I feel like the circle of things that “at least we still have” is getting smaller and smaller, and maybe I am just moving goalposts in order to preserve my sanity instead of seeing things as they are.

Let’s run with that hypothesis—suppose everything really is going to get way, way worse from here, and suppose I have the option of either acknowledging what’s happening or sticking my head in the sand. What do I actually gain by picking the former? I am already doing everything in my (admittedly limited) power to fight for the things I believe in, so what do I have to gain by confirming that my struggles are in vain?

A buddy of mine is also predisposed to the kind of catastrophic thinking that plagues me, and he told me once that he loses sleep because he spends so much time scrolling Reddit before bed and seeing all the tales of despair. I told him to stop scrolling Reddit. It doesn’t make a lick of difference that he saw an upsetting post and felt upset about it. It doesn’t solve the problem to hook his brain up to the 24/7 news cycle and feel as awful as possible. Awareness is not results.