: Happy for you vs. envy
Bad things are happening at my company these days. Layoffs, restructuring, shifting priorities, you know the drill. I would leave if I were confident that I could get a better deal somewhere else, but I haven’t been offered that deal yet. The bad things happening here appear to be typical of the job market in general rather than biffs specific to my employer.
One of my two closest friends at work decided to leave the company this week. She gave notice and then called me—in so many words, got an offer she can’t refuse.
Of course I am happy for her, and made every effort I could to react to her news with nothing but enthusiasm. I told her she deserved this, which is true, and I told her not to fear what others would think (she said she was worried about this) and that she was right to prioritize herself.
But I probably couldn’t completely conceal my sense of envy. I am too awkward of a person to bring up explicit salary numbers, but the percentages and inequalities she described imply that she’ll be making more than me at the new job. That’s despite having less experience and education than me, and working in a less specialized field. The gap could partly be explained by the fact that the new job is at a smaller (i.e. riskier) company, but our company doesn’t look like a particularly safe bet these days either.
It would be convenient if I could argue here that she tricked the new job into overpaying her. That would provide a moral rationale for my envy. Unfortunately, the shameful fact is that her new salary sounds to me like just about what she is worth, and I am the one who is underpaid. I’m a sucker who keeps accepting less than I’m worth, probably because I am afraid of rejection or something.
I am trying to focus on feeling grateful for how my friend’s experience here has brought into relief some of my own issues with my current job, and forced me to confront the fact that deep down, I really do want to leave (as long as the conditions are right). But I am not as singularly focused on money as my friend. She told me, in our conversation, that she “likes expensive things,” and her boyfriend is much the same—their relationship centers around doing high-society stuff and taking pictures of it for his Instagram.
(I don’t think he is right for her—he is very obsessed with appearances. My friend likes to spend money because she likes nice stuff, not because it’s a status symbol. But this is another thought I keep to myself.)
I, on the other hand, am doing just fine. Not loaded, not bleeding money out my ears, but I can afford my 5 dollar/month blogging costs and fancy Starbucks drinks. What I’d be looking for in a new job would be perhaps a slight raise, but mostly just a better team/work culture, more autonomy and creative freedom, more room to grow and learn new skills, less soul crushing. I’ve been verbally offered a few jobs this year and said no, so I know this statement of values is consistent with my behavior, not just copium.
Pithy signoff.