: Staying on track
I am exercising all of my powers of concentration to avoid spiraling into despair.
Lot of bullshit on the news today. I mean, that’s always true, but a few of the headlines today strike close to home, and I lost a solid hour staring into space thinking about all kinds of awful worst-case scenarios. I tend to get “stuck” in that headspace by thinking that it is virtuous to worry: I need to be anxious about this to prove that I care; I need to be the sort of person who cares and gets anxious or else I might become the sort of person who idles and does nothing or makes excuses.
In theory, I am on vacation this week, and that is another source of guilt. It’s not a fancy vacation; I just knew I needed a week off from work, and schlepped myself out to my childhood hometown, where I have been wandering around the neighborhood marveling at how much things have changed, driving my dad’s new car to favorite spots, and drinking too much coffee. I went for a bike ride today and discovered, at the top of a hill, that the breaks on my dad’s bike don’t work. Oops, lol.
I also worked a bunch on some of my real-name professional development stuff, which is kind of a nervous tic of mine—hedging bets because who knows what could happen next to the job market.