: Ruth Whippman on how boys are socialized
Sorry, another gender post today. I just read this commentary from the American Institute for Boys and Men and wanted to share. AIBM is like, the last remnant standing of the men's advocacy that I remember taking great interest in when I was younger, before the men's rights movement dissolved into the alt-right and woke factions.
In the linked article, Whippman is promoting her book and shares five tacit assumptions of past gender equality activism that she overturned as she raised boys. The quote I wanted to share is this one:
One wide-scale study on parenting practices in the US and Canada concluded that on average boys receive a “less nurturing, and more aversive home life,” than girls, and are more likely to be the recipients of “hostile or confrontational” parenting.
Another study of over 20,000 parents showed that parents show more emotional warmth towards daughters and feel closer to them than they do with sons. They are more likely to spank boys and to report being too busy to play with them. Other research shows that both mothers and fathers spend significantly less time with boys than girls from babyhood onwards on activities like telling stories, singing songs, drawing, and reading.
Right from birth, mothers respond preferentially to daughters and are more likely to chat back to their sounds. Throughout infancy and beyond, moms continue to interact more frequently with their girls than their boys, and to comfort and hug them more.
(Now I need to write CSS for a blockquote lol.) Am I the only one who finds this incredibly heartbreaking--the idea that boys are literally being ignored and denied physical affection at a greater rate than girls throughout childhood, and then we expect them to grow up and have zero bitterness (even subconscious) at the world and move through life apologizing for their unearned privelege?
Sorry: I am in a punchy mood today and if you are reading this without context, you might think this is a rant against feminism, but it is not; watch this interview with AIBM director Richard Reeves for more context on where I am coming from. AIBM is trying to advance the self-evident notion that advocating for gender equality doesn't need to be a zero-sum game; recognizing the ways in which our society is failing boys and young men doesn't have to subtract from feminist advocacy for reproductive rights and all the rest.